(c)2019 Carolyn Miller
I had reached a point in life where if you asked me to list 20 dreams I had…. I would have struggled to do that. But if you asked me to list 20 regrets… now that would be a much easier task. I’m not trying to be melodramatic… it was just a realisation that it seemed quite a simple task to look back and wish I had done something differently.
When our thoughts begin with… ‘if only’… then that is a telling sign that we are living with regrets. Regrets can come in many different forms, big and small.
How often do we make choices in life and then immediately afterwards wish we had made a different decision?
How often have we come away from an interaction with someone wishing we had said something different, or not said what we did say or wished we had responded differently?
How often have we regretted going somewhere with someone, or regretted not going somewhere with someone?
And how often do we have regrets to do with career and major decisions we have made in our lives?
Regret in the dictionary is defined as “deep feelings of sorrow arising from past events and now seen as sins, mistakes or misfortunes”. It comes from an old Norse word ‘grata’ which means to weep.
Regret in itself is a normal human emotion. It is not a bad thing at all to wish that things had turned out differently. It actually spurs us on to analyse a situation and respond. But regret can be toxic for us when we go over and over the situation in our minds.
The longer we fail to act then the more our regrets cause us to disengage from life. We find ourselves always looking back and unable to move forward. We can suffer from low self-worth as we blame ourselves and withhold forgiveness.
So, what does scripture have to say about regret?
Interestingly, God is described as having regrets! If we use our human definition of the word it sounds as though God has made mistakes and wished he has done things differently. But the Hebrew word for regret actually means to sigh! So in Genesis 6:7 when God says “I regret that I have made them”… He isn’t admitting to a mistake over creating humans but he is sorrowful. He is sad that their sin has separated them from his presence. He is the almighty and he had a plan that he implemented throughout history culminating in Jesus coming and dealing with sin once and for all.
So when regret rears its ugly head in our thoughts then we need to follow God’s example of dealing with it and have a plan.
We regret because we just simply made a poor choice or We regret because we made a poor choice due to our sin.
When regret is due to a poor choice then we need to give ourselves a little compassion and acknowledge that we made our choice based on the information we had at the time. Acknowledge that we do make mistakes and seek what it is that we can learn from this? Nothing in life is wasted according to God (Romans 8:28) Forgive ourselves, forgive others, rectify anything that can be salvaged and then let it go.
If our regret is due to a sinful action then Jesus has already dealt with our sin on the cross so we repent. The act of repentance actually involves regret. 2 Cor 7:10 “God designed us to feel remorse over sin in order to produce repentance that leads to victory. This leaves us with no regrets.”
When I composed this piece of music I must admit I was dealing with my own regrets. I had made most of my decisions, with regards to career, based on putting family first and now my children were independent, I was struggling not to feel regret over the fact that I had let my dreams go.
As I was composing this piece I could see a scene from a movie playing out in my head.
This was the part when the main character has decided to move on, determined not to let the past hold them back anymore. They choose to go back to what they used to do… like composing or writing or something creative like that. But it’s not that real happy ending to the movie… not yet! It is that space where there is an attempt to return to a former life. But the spark is gone and the satisfaction is absent and it’s just not the same! This was the story I kept imagining as I played this piece.
Unfortunately, even if there is a hint of regret…. it holds us back…. even if only a little. That touch of regret blocks our ability to dream to our fullest because we are quietly reminding ourselves of the disappointments and we don’t want to go there again! We are not flourishing, but just existing.
As you listen to this piece of music ask God to show you what the regrets are in your life and ask him to take them and heal them. Let them go. You don’t have to hold onto them anymore. Ask Jesus to replace them with new dreams that move you forward into new passions and new life lived to the full.
About the score… find a sample of the score below. If you are a pianist who is about Grade 4-5 then I think you would be able to play this. It is not technically difficult but requires mature musicianship for the rubato and to play expressively with a depth of emotion and musicality. If you wish to obtain a full copy of the piano score then please contact me and I can send you a PDF. There is no cost involved… I just like to know where the scores are going. Thanks
carolynmmusic 